Well once again I didn’t do all the posts but this time it was because some of the topics I either didn’t know what to write or I had no interest in it.
Then like about 2 weeks before the end I realized that I could just write like I was doing a daily vlog, you know a look at my life but of course it got depressing but that’s fine because I know my life and I will keep writing about it.
So what I learned from this challenge is that I don’t have to talk only about my business or even wait for something interesting to happen to me, I can just talk about my thoughts and my daily life because people will read it.
I waited until it got dark outside to write this so no picture because it’s freaking cold and dark outside because we have no outside light and no money to get it fixed.
On the bright side though I’ve been entering for the HGTV dream home and I have a good feeling about it this year. I’m gonna win and it’s going to be freaking awesome!
But I’ve got to get my butt in gear with my advertising. I haven’t done any in a long time. I’m just not motivated I guess because I never have any alone time and I really need that to recharge my batteries, or I’m depressed, not sure which one it is but I feel like it doesn’t matter because I have to keep my eye on the prize if I want my independence.
I seriously want my own car so I’m not stuck here at home waiting for my soon to be ex to come home so I can have my independence.
I’ll get there soon I hope.
I’m gonna take a picture anyway the stars are probably beautiful tonight.
That’s what I constantly find myself having to tell my husband. I know it sounds harsh but after 20 years of him interrupting me or telling me he’s not interested after I’ve sat through all of his stuff you get fed up after a while.
The worst part is that’s not who I am but if you’re not going to be a friend to me I’m not going to be one to you. I’ve been on this earth too long to be used by someone who claims to love me and I’m done being used.
You can judge me all you want but the truth is you haven’t walked in my shoes so you don’t know what I’m going through. I’ve loved him for a very long time only he doesn’t love me and it’s a very lonely existence.
Being with him has caused my introversion to be worse also. I enjoyed going out and doing things but being stuck in this house all the time and being with the kids all the time has not been good.
I absolutely hate being around other people now but I can’t rule out that being with my kid’s 24/7 is probably the real reason my introversion is worse. But it doesn’t matter because I can’t send my daughter back to brick and mortar school because of the bullying.
I can only hope that one day I’ll get my alone time I so desperately need.
But on a brighter note I woke up feeling good today, also my son asked me last night what I wanted for Valentine’s day and then he said he would see if his dad would get it. He’s so sweet 😍.
I’m still watching Orange Is The New Black and it is a really good show I just wish I had started watching it as soon as we got Netflix.
It was also another beautiful sunny day.
I’m pretty excited about Valentine’s Day, I just hope we can afford to get stuff for each other. I want cordial cherry kisses and my son wants a heart shaped box of chocolates. It will be so fun to be able to give each other Valentine’s gifts this year.
Well that’s it for today so thanks and have a great night.
Well it’s 3 minutes until 8 am and I don’t want to get up because I’m not feeling good but I have to because my daughter has school. I’m going to try to make the best of it and put some coffee on and hope that helps.
On a good note it stopped raining and there’s no more rain in the forecast but it is still cloudy but the sun is supposed to come out in a couple of days.
I’m also feeling better now that I’m up and moving around. It’s 9:28 am and the sun is out!
It looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day.
But now I’m going to finish watching Clown. It’s pretty good so far. It’s on Netflix with which I have become obsessed with lol. The only problem with this movie is that the woman is out running around chasing her husband instead of taking care of her kid. That makes me so angry.
Oh I forgot, it turns out that my daughter is sick too so I got to watch tv as I mentioned earlier. I think she just doesn’t want to be bothered with school though because she’s acting fine now but I don’t know. I’m not in her body.
I got through watching Clown and it wasn’t good. The woman in it was just too stupid. I started watching Orange is the New black and it’s good. The first two episodes made me want to cry though.
Then my kid’s dad came home and we got into an argument and that was that. Night ruined so I’m signing off.
Well today has been dreary because it rained all day. But me and the kids had a good day, very uneventful thank goodness.
They also haven’t asked about their dad all day which I absolutely love because it gets annoying especially when my son wants me to call him and make sure he’s okay.
I just tell him he’s fine and we don’t need to call him.
We have several doctor’s appointments next week most of which are mine that I’m hoping I won’t chicken out of. I seriously need to get to my appointments because of this lump on my stomach, I need refills on my medicine and the breakouts I’m having which I can’t explain. It’s just horrible.
I also have to start going to the kid’s appointments because their dad can’t seem to remember what the doctor says which is not good for me because I never get alone time to recharge my batteries which anyone who has read my blog before knows I need because I’m very introverted.
I never have the energy for anything anymore because I’m always with at least one person every single day and it’s getting old real quick.
But try to tell their extrovert dad that. He has no idea what I’m talking about and doesn’t care because he always has an excuse as to why he can’t take the kids with him.
I am so over this married life. All I want is to be left alone for about 20 years or better yet the rest of my life.
So please send me some good vibes for tonight and next week.
Today I woke up feeling sick to my stomach and feeling dizzy so I fixed me some coffee. It helped a little but I’m still dizzy.
Not sure whats causing it but I’ve broke out again, my nose is a little stuffy and I’m on my menstrual cycle.
Well I just looked and I’m not broke out right now but I was yesterday and my face is itching so maybe my face is broke out but I don’t know because I rarely look at my face.
I was supposed to go have fasting bloodwork done today but I just don’t feel good. I hope tomorrow I can get it done because I have a doctor’s appointment on February 1st and I need it before then.
I just hope this isn’t like an anxiety attack because I really don’t want to go to the doctor. I really hate going. The only problem is that’s why my dad died because he waited until it was too late to stop the cancer to decide to go to the doctor.
I don’t want that to happen to me but it will if I don’t get over this and quick.
Please send me some good luck so that I can get over this hurtle.
Well today so far has been good except for the incident where my husband apparently didn’t put the truck in park before getting out to go into the recycling place and when he came out it was halfway down the road and the passengers side mirror got knocked off.
Then I went out to see if I could duplicate what he did because he said he took the keys out but when I got out there the keys were still in the truck not cranked up but the radio was on.
It could have been stolen because he’s notorious for bringing strangers around. I came in and told him that I was going to have to ban him from driving and he got all hostile with me like he always does.
And to believe I was giving us another chance after the millionth time. I feel so stupid. He’s always going to treat me like crap and apparently I’m always going to let him.
I am not going back to him this time. It’s over and I’m going to try to save money to get a divorce.
I’m scared of being alone but that’s a fear I’m going to have to face.
I hope I can get the divorce but I may need your help so if you can please click one of the donate buttons to help me out.
My daughter asked me this morning if it was okay for her to have a second dad to bond with. I had no idea what to say but it prompted me to think about where this came from.
She asked me this out of the blue. I’m not sure why though because she talks all the time about how much she loves her dad.
Is it because he’s gone all the time? I mean he’s never here and she knows he doesn’t have a job so I’m wondering if it’s because she doesn’t know where he is all day.
Or is it because when he is at home he’s in a bad mood. He’s fine when he gets home but he slowly falls into a bad mood whenever the kids start asking him questions. I told him it’s because he’s never here and he says I know but he keeps acting out.
I’m also hoping she doesn’t go trying to find a new dad either because that can get her kidnapped. It’s a scary thought and I hope it doesn’t happen. She’s my babygirl and I love her very much.
But also is she wanting me to get a boyfriend or something so she’ll have a new dad?
I don’t know what’s going on and I also don’t know how her dad will react when and if he finds out. He’s very sensitive about things like that and he gets his feelings hurt easily.