That’s what I constantly find myself having to tell my husband. I know it sounds harsh but after 20 years of him interrupting me or telling me he’s not interested after I’ve sat through all of his stuff you get fed up after a while.
The worst part is that’s not who I am but if you’re not going to be a friend to me I’m not going to be one to you. I’ve been on this earth too long to be used by someone who claims to love me and I’m done being used.
You can judge me all you want but the truth is you haven’t walked in my shoes so you don’t know what I’m going through. I’ve loved him for a very long time only he doesn’t love me and it’s a very lonely existence.
Being with him has caused my introversion to be worse also. I enjoyed going out and doing things but being stuck in this house all the time and being with the kids all the time has not been good.
I absolutely hate being around other people now but I can’t rule out that being with my kid’s 24/7 is probably the real reason my introversion is worse. But it doesn’t matter because I can’t send my daughter back to brick and mortar school because of the bullying.
I can only hope that one day I’ll get my alone time I so desperately need.
But on a brighter note I woke up feeling good today, also my son asked me last night what I wanted for Valentine’s day and then he said he would see if his dad would get it. He’s so sweet 😍.
I’m still watching Orange Is The New Black and it is a really good show I just wish I had started watching it as soon as we got Netflix.
It was also another beautiful sunny day.
I’m pretty excited about Valentine’s Day, I just hope we can afford to get stuff for each other. I want cordial cherry kisses and my son wants a heart shaped box of chocolates. It will be so fun to be able to give each other Valentine’s gifts this year.
Well that’s it for today so thanks and have a great night.
Well it’s 3 minutes until 8 am and I don’t want to get up because I’m not feeling good but I have to because my daughter has school. I’m going to try to make the best of it and put some coffee on and hope that helps.
On a good note it stopped raining and there’s no more rain in the forecast but it is still cloudy but the sun is supposed to come out in a couple of days.
I’m also feeling better now that I’m up and moving around. It’s 9:28 am and the sun is out!
It looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day.
But now I’m going to finish watching Clown. It’s pretty good so far. It’s on Netflix with which I have become obsessed with lol. The only problem with this movie is that the woman is out running around chasing her husband instead of taking care of her kid. That makes me so angry.
Oh I forgot, it turns out that my daughter is sick too so I got to watch tv as I mentioned earlier. I think she just doesn’t want to be bothered with school though because she’s acting fine now but I don’t know. I’m not in her body.
I got through watching Clown and it wasn’t good. The woman in it was just too stupid. I started watching Orange is the New black and it’s good. The first two episodes made me want to cry though.
Then my kid’s dad came home and we got into an argument and that was that. Night ruined so I’m signing off.
Well today has been dreary because it rained all day. But me and the kids had a good day, very uneventful thank goodness.
They also haven’t asked about their dad all day which I absolutely love because it gets annoying especially when my son wants me to call him and make sure he’s okay.
I just tell him he’s fine and we don’t need to call him.
We have several doctor’s appointments next week most of which are mine that I’m hoping I won’t chicken out of. I seriously need to get to my appointments because of this lump on my stomach, I need refills on my medicine and the breakouts I’m having which I can’t explain. It’s just horrible.
I also have to start going to the kid’s appointments because their dad can’t seem to remember what the doctor says which is not good for me because I never get alone time to recharge my batteries which anyone who has read my blog before knows I need because I’m very introverted.
I never have the energy for anything anymore because I’m always with at least one person every single day and it’s getting old real quick.
But try to tell their extrovert dad that. He has no idea what I’m talking about and doesn’t care because he always has an excuse as to why he can’t take the kids with him.
I am so over this married life. All I want is to be left alone for about 20 years or better yet the rest of my life.
So please send me some good vibes for tonight and next week.
Well today so far has been good except for the incident where my husband apparently didn’t put the truck in park before getting out to go into the recycling place and when he came out it was halfway down the road and the passengers side mirror got knocked off.
Then I went out to see if I could duplicate what he did because he said he took the keys out but when I got out there the keys were still in the truck not cranked up but the radio was on.
It could have been stolen because he’s notorious for bringing strangers around. I came in and told him that I was going to have to ban him from driving and he got all hostile with me like he always does.
And to believe I was giving us another chance after the millionth time. I feel so stupid. He’s always going to treat me like crap and apparently I’m always going to let him.
I am not going back to him this time. It’s over and I’m going to try to save money to get a divorce.
I’m scared of being alone but that’s a fear I’m going to have to face.
I hope I can get the divorce but I may need your help so if you can please click one of the donate buttons to help me out.
My daughter asked me this morning if it was okay for her to have a second dad to bond with. I had no idea what to say but it prompted me to think about where this came from.
She asked me this out of the blue. I’m not sure why though because she talks all the time about how much she loves her dad.
Is it because he’s gone all the time? I mean he’s never here and she knows he doesn’t have a job so I’m wondering if it’s because she doesn’t know where he is all day.
Or is it because when he is at home he’s in a bad mood. He’s fine when he gets home but he slowly falls into a bad mood whenever the kids start asking him questions. I told him it’s because he’s never here and he says I know but he keeps acting out.
I’m also hoping she doesn’t go trying to find a new dad either because that can get her kidnapped. It’s a scary thought and I hope it doesn’t happen. She’s my babygirl and I love her very much.
But also is she wanting me to get a boyfriend or something so she’ll have a new dad?
I don’t know what’s going on and I also don’t know how her dad will react when and if he finds out. He’s very sensitive about things like that and he gets his feelings hurt easily.
Not really because we homeschool but it looks really pretty right now but it probably won’t look like this when it melts.
It’ll be yucky and gross but that’s okay because it rarely snows here so we like it when it does.
Here are some pictures I took before the sun came up.
And a video.
I didn’t get my post from yesterday up until the middle of the night because I got extremely sick to my stomach because of heartburn. Really weird because I took my medicine for heartburn. I ended up having to chew some tums and taking a nap. Then I sat up all night, which is fine and all because that’s the only time I get to be myself anyway.
My husband woke up in a bad mood today and was extremely ugly to us all. He got mad about something and said
I wish I was still in jail
Made our daughter cry. I told him I could kick him out and he’d go back to jail and asked him if that would make him happy, he got mad of course.
He is driving me crazy. I will be glad when all of this is over.
This is something I’ve been thinking about today, of course this is something that is different for everyone.
The worst experience of my life was watching both of my parents die and knowing there was nothing I could do to stop it.
My dad died from bone cancer at home in 1992. He took his last breaths after my aunt told him that his family would be taken care of and that he didn’t have to worry about us, that he could let go.
My mom died at home on July 3, 2007, my son’s 11th birthday. She was resuscitated though and lived until the next day when me and my brother decided it was best for her to just let her go because we had already been through this once with our dad and didn’t want to prolong her suffering.
She was in the hospital so no we didn’t kill her. The doctor said that they had done everything they could for her and that’s when we decided it was for the best.
There is no worse feeling than of helplessness. Anyone who has been through this knows that watching your loved ones die is horrible, but knowing they are going to die and there’s nothing you can do about it is worse.
I knew two weeks before my mom died that she was going to. She told me during that two weeks that she was scared but because I didn’t want her to be scared I lied and told her that everything was going to be fine and she didn’t need to be scared and that I was there. I later told my husband that she didn’t have much time left and she slumped over and died a week later with my kids in the room with her.
Even though I knew it was going to happen soon it still took me by surprise. The worst part is knowing that both of my parent’s were gone and I was all alone in this big scary world. My family doesn’t have much to do with me including my brother. My husband and I don’t get along and my kids are developmentally delayed so they aren’t equipped for what I need.
Anyway I just wanted to get this out there and I hope you found this post interesting.
Since today’s topic is great things that come in fours I decided to talk about my family because there is four of us and I didn’t like any of the hints or knew anything about them so I just picked my family.
I’ll start with myself. I’m the type of person who tries to stay positive no matter what life throws my way. I’m a shy introvert so I’m pretty much quiet. Which I think is a good thing because I’m not bothering anyone. My family loves me and that’s a great feeling.
My husband is an okay husband. He’s not the best but we’ve been together for 23 years. He does the things that I dislike doing so that’s a big plus for me, like he does the driving in the high traffic places where I hate driving. I’m very thankful for that.
My son helps me out with taking care of his sister when I don’t want to or when she’s being lazy, lol. He also does the things around the house that I don’t like doing like making the tea. He’s such a great helper.
My daughter isn’t all lazy though, she does take care of the dogs and cats when I don’t want to which is happening more and more lately. Thankfully she will fix her own food from time to time.
My family is the best and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. They have been there when no one else was there for me. I love them to the moon and back.
Well that’s a tough one because I don’t admire just one person. I admire a few people.
I admire my dad because of his strong work ethic, my mom because she told me I could be whatever I wanted when I grew up.
I guess I’d have to say I admire my mom the most though because she pushed me to do things I didn’t want to do like learning how to drive. I was so scared but she kept telling me it was something I needed to know how to do and have a license to do it even if I never drove.
You never want to have to depend on someone else because there may come a time when there is no one to help you.
She was right of course. I still don’t like to drive but I’m glad she forced me to learn and get a license because there have been times when no one was there to help me.
My dad, like I said, had the strong work ethic. He worked up until he couldn’t work anymore. I will never forget that day either. He was in so much pain that he was laying on one of the portable flats at his workplace and me and my cousin had to roll him around on it until we made him go home.
He was put in the hospital the same day, diagnosed with bone cancer the next day and was sent home to die. he lived for 2 weeks.
That was the worst 2 weeks of my life. Watching him slowly die and there was nothing I could do to help him. I never want to go through that again. Cancer took my dad and heart disease took my mom.