I Did Not Sleep Well At All Last Night

Visions of that poor cat danced through my head all night. I am so sad about it and not just because it looked like our Peeky but just the fact that it was a cat.

I can get over wildlife ending up in the pool, but an animal that’s meant to be a pet? That’s gonna take a minute.

My husband kept saying it wasn’t her but I don’t believe him. He’s lied to me before about stuff like this.

Before my mom died we had a chocolate lab named Charlie. He was one of the best dogs we’ve ever had except because we kept him outside he was constantly getting out of our fenced in yard.

The last time he got out my husband said that a man picked him up and he just let him have him. Of course I was angry but I understood. We couldn’t just keep letting him get out, so he did what he thought was best, he k et the man have him.

He later told me that he didn’t give him away that he had gotten ran over. He told me this because I kept on him about getting him back. I wanted him back because he would get in the pool with Arianna.

It seems like every time I have something I want I’m not allowed to keep it but for him it’s a different story. God forbid he should have to give his dog away.

Yes I’m bitter but you would be too if you were married to someone like him. Now mind you, I’m sure he wouldn’t treat anyone else like he’s treated me, but I could be wrong.



The Worst Experience Of My Life

The Worst Experience Of My Life

My mom, dad and her little brother.

This is something I’ve been thinking about today, of course this is something that is different for everyone.

The worst experience of my life was watching both of my parents die and knowing there was nothing I could do to stop it.

My dad died from bone cancer at home in 1992. He took his last breaths after my aunt told him that his family would be taken care of and that he didn’t have to worry about us, that he could let go.

My mom died at home on July 3, 2007, my son’s 11th birthday. She was resuscitated though and lived until the next day when me and my brother decided it was best for her to just let her go because we had already been through this once with our dad and didn’t want to prolong her suffering.

She was in the hospital so no we didn’t kill her. The doctor said that they had done everything they could for her and that’s when we decided it was for the best.

There is no worse feeling than of helplessness. Anyone who has been through this knows that watching your loved ones die is horrible, but knowing they are going to die and there’s nothing you can do about it is worse.

I knew two weeks before my mom died that she was going to. She told me during that two weeks that she was scared but because I didn’t want her to be scared I lied and told her that everything was going to be fine and she didn’t need to be scared and that I was there. I later told my husband that she didn’t have much time left and she slumped over and died a week later with my kids in the room with her.

Even though I knew it was going to happen soon it still took me by surprise. The worst part is knowing that both of my parent’s were gone and I was all alone in this big scary world. My family doesn’t have much to do with me including my brother. My husband and I don’t get along and my kids are developmentally delayed so they aren’t equipped for what I need.
Anyway I just wanted to get this out there and I hope you found this post interesting.

Mary Owens

What If My Husband Dies?

What If My Husband Dies?

This is something I’ve been thinking about since yesterday. The reason is because I’ve been seeing these posts on Facebook about repost this if you know someone who has fought cancer and died or survived. Here’s the one I posted.

May be my last post for awhile……love you all!
Certainly, in the most difficult moments of life you realize who are true friends or the people who really appreciate you 😊 Unfortunately, some friends will click on “like” but in reality they do not take time to read your status if they see it’s lengthy.
Now I’m watching the ones who will have time to read this post until the end. This is a little test just to see who reads, and who shares without reading.
If you have read everything so far, select “like” so I can put a thank you in your profile. Cancer is very invasive and destructive to our body, even after the end of the treatment, your body is still fighting with yourself trying to reconstruct all the damage caused by radiation. It’s a very long process.
Please, in honor of a family member or a friend who died, or is still fighting cancer, or even had cancer but it’s healed; copy and paste (not share) in your page.
So I will know who read my status 😍, please write “done” in the comments. Thank you for this opportunity to share this with you for those people and Loved one’s that fought toe to toe, time for cancer to go be gone..
Love you all.
Positive vibes and energy to you all!!

That’s only one variation though. I saw another one that started out like this:

This won’t be my last post but it will be the last one for a while of significance.

I don’t want to post anymore because my mind is in a dark and depressing place because of this.

I’ve been thinking about this more now than before because my dad died from bone cancer when my mom was 51, I’m 46, scary right? The only difference is that my dad was 60 when he died. My husband as of today is 49, still though he died when my mom was 51.

I keep thinking, Am I ready for life on my own? The answer is if my husband was to die today I would have to be. I would have to learn how to handle myself in stressful situations, situations I use to avoid and let my husband take care of because he was just better at it than me.

I have a tendency to panic when I’m in unfamiliar situations like driving in new places. The problem is panicking in a car can get people killed. That is something I want to avoid but I don’t know how. I’m also unsure of how to get help to learn how to cope in life when my partner is no longer around.

If anyone reading this knows how to help me please comment below, it will be greatly appreciated.

Mary Owens