Yes you read that right. This week and last week have been pure hell for me. Between losing my cat Peeky on Tuesday of last week (February 27) to dealing with my husband, who I have said in previous posts that I can’t stand anymore, it has been awful which in turn has plunged me into a deep depression which I escape by doing nothing but watching tv or YouTube.
But anyway here’s a picture of my cat.
I miss her so much and the worst part is I feel like it’s my fault because she kept getting on top of the air conditioner and it wasn’t wide enough for her so she kept falling off and that made a lot of noise and kept me up all night but she just kept getting up there and I was thinking
I just wish this cat would just stop or get out again. At this point I really don’t care
Then when it happened I never dreamed she would go missing. I hate myself so much. I just wish that I was the one that disappeared and not her because this has caused my daughter to go into a deep depression also.
Karma has really gotten the best of me this time and I just wish it hadn’t happened.
So the moral of this story is be careful what you wish for.
That’s what I constantly find myself having to tell my husband. I know it sounds harsh but after 20 years of him interrupting me or telling me he’s not interested after I’ve sat through all of his stuff you get fed up after a while.
The worst part is that’s not who I am but if you’re not going to be a friend to me I’m not going to be one to you. I’ve been on this earth too long to be used by someone who claims to love me and I’m done being used.
You can judge me all you want but the truth is you haven’t walked in my shoes so you don’t know what I’m going through. I’ve loved him for a very long time only he doesn’t love me and it’s a very lonely existence.
Being with him has caused my introversion to be worse also. I enjoyed going out and doing things but being stuck in this house all the time and being with the kids all the time has not been good.
I absolutely hate being around other people now but I can’t rule out that being with my kid’s 24/7 is probably the real reason my introversion is worse. But it doesn’t matter because I can’t send my daughter back to brick and mortar school because of the bullying.
I can only hope that one day I’ll get my alone time I so desperately need.
But on a brighter note I woke up feeling good today, also my son asked me last night what I wanted for Valentine’s day and then he said he would see if his dad would get it. He’s so sweet 😍.
I’m still watching Orange Is The New Black and it is a really good show I just wish I had started watching it as soon as we got Netflix.
It was also another beautiful sunny day.
I’m pretty excited about Valentine’s Day, I just hope we can afford to get stuff for each other. I want cordial cherry kisses and my son wants a heart shaped box of chocolates. It will be so fun to be able to give each other Valentine’s gifts this year.
Well that’s it for today so thanks and have a great night.
Well it’s 3 minutes until 8 am and I don’t want to get up because I’m not feeling good but I have to because my daughter has school. I’m going to try to make the best of it and put some coffee on and hope that helps.
On a good note it stopped raining and there’s no more rain in the forecast but it is still cloudy but the sun is supposed to come out in a couple of days.
I’m also feeling better now that I’m up and moving around. It’s 9:28 am and the sun is out!
It looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day.
But now I’m going to finish watching Clown. It’s pretty good so far. It’s on Netflix with which I have become obsessed with lol. The only problem with this movie is that the woman is out running around chasing her husband instead of taking care of her kid. That makes me so angry.
Oh I forgot, it turns out that my daughter is sick too so I got to watch tv as I mentioned earlier. I think she just doesn’t want to be bothered with school though because she’s acting fine now but I don’t know. I’m not in her body.
I got through watching Clown and it wasn’t good. The woman in it was just too stupid. I started watching Orange is the New black and it’s good. The first two episodes made me want to cry though.
Then my kid’s dad came home and we got into an argument and that was that. Night ruined so I’m signing off.
Well today has been dreary because it rained all day. But me and the kids had a good day, very uneventful thank goodness.
They also haven’t asked about their dad all day which I absolutely love because it gets annoying especially when my son wants me to call him and make sure he’s okay.
I just tell him he’s fine and we don’t need to call him.
We have several doctor’s appointments next week most of which are mine that I’m hoping I won’t chicken out of. I seriously need to get to my appointments because of this lump on my stomach, I need refills on my medicine and the breakouts I’m having which I can’t explain. It’s just horrible.
I also have to start going to the kid’s appointments because their dad can’t seem to remember what the doctor says which is not good for me because I never get alone time to recharge my batteries which anyone who has read my blog before knows I need because I’m very introverted.
I never have the energy for anything anymore because I’m always with at least one person every single day and it’s getting old real quick.
But try to tell their extrovert dad that. He has no idea what I’m talking about and doesn’t care because he always has an excuse as to why he can’t take the kids with him.
I am so over this married life. All I want is to be left alone for about 20 years or better yet the rest of my life.
So please send me some good vibes for tonight and next week.
Well today so far has been good except for the incident where my husband apparently didn’t put the truck in park before getting out to go into the recycling place and when he came out it was halfway down the road and the passengers side mirror got knocked off.
Then I went out to see if I could duplicate what he did because he said he took the keys out but when I got out there the keys were still in the truck not cranked up but the radio was on.
It could have been stolen because he’s notorious for bringing strangers around. I came in and told him that I was going to have to ban him from driving and he got all hostile with me like he always does.
And to believe I was giving us another chance after the millionth time. I feel so stupid. He’s always going to treat me like crap and apparently I’m always going to let him.
I am not going back to him this time. It’s over and I’m going to try to save money to get a divorce.
I’m scared of being alone but that’s a fear I’m going to have to face.
I hope I can get the divorce but I may need your help so if you can please click one of the donate buttons to help me out.
I’m posting this to remind you that no matter how bad your day has been there is always something positive to find.
I know that some days are harder than others but you will find that little bit of good.
Yesterday was hard for me but I found my positive.
I kept telling myself
No matter how bad the kid’s act up they will be better tomorrow
And guess What? I was right, both kids are more calm today and not angry. As a matter of fact we all are much better today.
Yesterday our son had to get up for a therapy session which he absolutely did not want to get up for because he was sleepy and he was acting up the rest of the day which put me in a bad mood.
Then no one got any sleep last night which was bad but it has had no negative affects on us, so another positive.
So please look for the positive in your day today.
No Arguing In Front Of The Kids!
Well that’s what everyone says anyway but does anyone even follow that really? I mean I know that we definitely should because of our son and if you’ve read any of my blog posts you know that our son is schizophrenic. If not here is one of the posts about that.
The Kids Went Trick Or Treating Last Night
So anyway yesterday me and my husband got into an argument over our usual stupidness with me yelling at him and getting all angry and in turn yelling at the kids. Now I know that I shouldn’t have taken it out on them but sometimes that happens.
As usual our son couldn’t handle it and the voices got worse to the point that he had a panic attack. His said his eyes were rolling into the back of his head, he couldn’t breathe and he wasn’t able to sit still. I called his therapist but he was so agitated that he wouldn’t talk to her.
He was just screaming for me to hang up. He never did talk to her but after a while of the house being quiet he finally went to sleep and stayed asleep. Luckily his therapist is coming by today for a session with him and his sister and all will be well.
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