That’s what I constantly find myself having to tell my husband. I know it sounds harsh but after 20 years of him interrupting me or telling me he’s not interested after I’ve sat through all of his stuff you get fed up after a while.
The worst part is that’s not who I am but if you’re not going to be a friend to me I’m not going to be one to you. I’ve been on this earth too long to be used by someone who claims to love me and I’m done being used.
You can judge me all you want but the truth is you haven’t walked in my shoes so you don’t know what I’m going through. I’ve loved him for a very long time only he doesn’t love me and it’s a very lonely existence.
Being with him has caused my introversion to be worse also. I enjoyed going out and doing things but being stuck in this house all the time and being with the kids all the time has not been good.
I absolutely hate being around other people now but I can’t rule out that being with my kid’s 24/7 is probably the real reason my introversion is worse. But it doesn’t matter because I can’t send my daughter back to brick and mortar school because of the bullying.
I can only hope that one day I’ll get my alone time I so desperately need.
But on a brighter note I woke up feeling good today, also my son asked me last night what I wanted for Valentine’s day and then he said he would see if his dad would get it. He’s so sweet 😍.
I’m still watching Orange Is The New Black and it is a really good show I just wish I had started watching it as soon as we got Netflix.
It was also another beautiful sunny day.
I’m pretty excited about Valentine’s Day, I just hope we can afford to get stuff for each other. I want cordial cherry kisses and my son wants a heart shaped box of chocolates. It will be so fun to be able to give each other Valentine’s gifts this year.
Well that’s it for today so thanks and have a great night.
As we close out this year and start a new one I felt the urge to write a post about this past year. It hasn’t been kind to me and it’s my own fault.
I keep falling back into old habits of trusting the same people and even though they have proven time and time again that they can’t be trusted I keep doing it.
You might be wondering why because I am too. It’s not like I can’t take care of myself I mean my husband was in jail for 3 months and I was on my own for the first time ever with 2 kid’s no less, but I did it and it turns out it’s not as bad as I thought.
Am I having trouble doing things for myself because I’m so introverted? Who knows, but one thing I do know is that I hate driving and new things, and it’s so bad that I will procrastinate anything until it can’t be ignored anymore and it has become a real problem in my life.
I have multiple health issues going on right now but I’m having problems adjusting to my new doctor and I’ve only been once. I’ve been breaking out in hives for some unknown reason and I have a lump on my stomach. All of this needs to be dealt with along with the fact I have to get blood work done too that I seem to have trouble with also.
So in light of the new year my resolution is to stop being scared of new things and get this stuff done so I don’t die prematurely leaving my kids behind wondering where everything went so wrong.
I am so hoping that any introverts that read this can help me with my problems of getting out and not being scared, especially about driving in the crowded cities.
I just realized I never updated y’all on my husband so here it is.
I went and picked him up from the jailhouse on July 31st. He got 10 years probation off in 5 with good behavior or something like that anyway. I’m not familiar with how these things work so I’m just guessing. He also got community service.
He got out by pleading guilty even though he says he didn’t do it and he also said he has to testify against my cousin. Yes I know if any of my family members read this it’s going to cause problems but it’s not like I get invited to anything so it doesn’t matter. Me and my little family celebrate holidays alone and that’s the way I like it.
I was seriously going to leave him in jail but with my son being schizophrenic I couldn’t. He was in and out of the hospital 3 times while his dad was in jail. It was not good for me nor my daughter to see him like that, especially my daughter.
Things are not going well at all now though. Money is disappearing again just like before. He stays gone with his friends and expects me to pay for everything. His mom sent us some money for Thanksgiving and he claims he used it to get the truck fixed but that hasn’t happened yet even though he claims he already paid the person for the job.
I don’t know what to do. I have no support system to help me and no place to go. I feel like I’m stuck living with a stranger. He says he loves me but he doesn’t act like it. I wish my mom was still alive. I don’t have a car or a way to pay for one either.
I’m sorry for the sob story but as always if you enjoyed reading this please like, share and comment. You advice is always welcome as long as you’re not being ugly.
I uploaded a video to YouTube last night of our Christmas tradition of opening one gift on Christmas Eve. My kids were 13 and 18 at the time but it was the first time we had done it since having them.
The reason for that was it was my family tradition and not my husband’s. He was totally against it for reasons I can’t remember right now. I finally talked him into it by remembering to tell him that only one gift was allowed and he finally agreed.
I just wanted my kids to have something from my childhood that I thoroughly enjoyed doing with my family. Of course they loved it too, just like I knew they would.
I honestly hope we can start some new traditions just for us that neither mine nor my husband’s family did. That would be so awesome for us as a family to start.
Do you have any holiday traditions, old or new, that your family does? Let me know in the comments.
As always if you enjoyed reading this please like, share and comment.
Mary’s Biz, LLC
P.S. Here’s my holiday tradition video if you would like to see it.
Okay so they went trick or treating last night and after they got home I realized it may have been a mistake.
First Arianna texted me to tell me that she got sick and her brother Mark went for her. No big deal because she’s 15 and I figured if she kept the doors locked that she was fine. She texted me back to say that her Uncle Dan was watching her. Now this man is someone I do not like BUT at this point there’s nothing I can do because I chose not to go but everything turned out fine so again no big deal.
So on to her brother Mark. If you don’t already know he suffers from Schizophrenia. If you are not familiar with it let me enlighten you. This is a horrible mental health disorder that if not treated properly will destroy the sufferers life and those around them. They suffer from delusions, hallucinations, disordered thinking and speech, and disorganized behavior. Certain things can trigger these behaviors even when treated properly but he wanted to go so I let him. Huge mistake.
When he got home I knew something was wrong. He was acting paranoid, every time someone went into the kitchen he wanted to know who was there. Even after taking his medicine he couldn’t calm down. By midnight I was getting angry and even though I knew that yelling at him wasn’t going to help I couldn’t take it anymore. He was in and out of his room, yelling at the voices and driving me crazy. By 2:30 A.M. I gave up and went to bed.
He finally calmed down and went to sleep but since I went to bed I don’t know what time he calmed down but when I got up this morning he was sleeping good and when he got up I noticed a big difference in how he was acting.
So now I know to think about his mental health when deciding about celebrating holidays. No crowds for him anymore. Just quiet celebrations at home and let his dad and sister do that crowded stuff in public.
**If you enjoyed reading this please comment, like and share.