Snow Day!

Not really because we homeschool but it looks really pretty right now but it probably won’t look like this when it melts.

It’ll be yucky and gross but that’s okay because it rarely snows here so we like it when it does.

Here are some pictures I took before the sun came up.

Neighbor’s car

And a video.

I didn’t get my post from yesterday up until the middle of the night because I got extremely sick to my stomach because of heartburn. Really weird because I took my medicine for heartburn. I ended up having to chew some tums and taking a nap. Then I sat up all night, which is fine and all because that’s the only time I get to be myself anyway.

My husband woke up in a bad mood today and was extremely ugly to us all. He got mad about something and said

I wish I was still in jail

Made our daughter cry. I told him I could kick him out and he’d go back to jail and asked him if that would make him happy, he got mad of course.

He is driving me crazy. I will be glad when all of this is over.

Wish me luck again.

Thanks

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Where Do I Go From Here?

I am lost. I have no idea where to go. My husband keeeps spending money we don’t have and I don’t know what to do.

I’ve tried to do all the shopping but he makes sure he stays gone in the truck so I’m unable to do the shopping.

I just wish there was some place for me to go to get away from him but I’m broke so I have to wait for him to leave which I really hope will be soon.

So please send me some good luck.

Thank you.

P.S. sorry for the pity party. I’m just not in a good place right now.

The Worst Experience Of My Life

The Worst Experience Of My Life

My mom, dad and her little brother.

This is something I’ve been thinking about today, of course this is something that is different for everyone.

The worst experience of my life was watching both of my parents die and knowing there was nothing I could do to stop it.

My dad died from bone cancer at home in 1992. He took his last breaths after my aunt told him that his family would be taken care of and that he didn’t have to worry about us, that he could let go.

My mom died at home on July 3, 2007, my son’s 11th birthday. She was resuscitated though and lived until the next day when me and my brother decided it was best for her to just let her go because we had already been through this once with our dad and didn’t want to prolong her suffering.

She was in the hospital so no we didn’t kill her. The doctor said that they had done everything they could for her and that’s when we decided it was for the best.

There is no worse feeling than of helplessness. Anyone who has been through this knows that watching your loved ones die is horrible, but knowing they are going to die and there’s nothing you can do about it is worse.

I knew two weeks before my mom died that she was going to. She told me during that two weeks that she was scared but because I didn’t want her to be scared I lied and told her that everything was going to be fine and she didn’t need to be scared and that I was there. I later told my husband that she didn’t have much time left and she slumped over and died a week later with my kids in the room with her.

Even though I knew it was going to happen soon it still took me by surprise. The worst part is knowing that both of my parent’s were gone and I was all alone in this big scary world. My family doesn’t have much to do with me including my brother. My husband and I don’t get along and my kids are developmentally delayed so they aren’t equipped for what I need.
Anyway I just wanted to get this out there and I hope you found this post interesting.

Thanks
Mary Owens

My Family Of Four

My Family Of Four

My husband, daughter and son.

Since today’s topic is great things that come in fours I decided to talk about my family because there is four of us and I didn’t like any of the hints or knew anything about them so I just picked my family.

I’ll start with myself. I’m the type of person who tries to stay positive no matter what life throws my way. I’m a shy introvert so I’m pretty much quiet. Which I think is a good thing because I’m not bothering anyone. My family loves me and that’s a great feeling.

My husband is an okay husband. He’s not the best but we’ve been together for 23 years. He does the things that I dislike doing so that’s a big plus for me, like he does the driving in the high traffic places where I hate driving. I’m very thankful for that.

My son helps me out with taking care of his sister when I don’t want to or when she’s being lazy, lol. He also does the things around the house that I don’t like doing like making the tea. He’s such a great helper.

My daughter isn’t all lazy though, she does take care of the dogs and cats when I don’t want to which is happening more and more lately. Thankfully she will fix her own food from time to time.

My family is the best and I wouldn’t trade them for the world. They have been there when no one else was there for me. I love them to the moon and back.

Have a great day!
Mary Owens

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

As we close out this year and start a new one I felt the urge to write a post about this past year. It hasn’t been kind to me and it’s my own fault.

I keep falling back into old habits of trusting the same people and even though they have proven time and time again that they can’t be trusted I keep doing it.

You might be wondering why because I am too. It’s not like I can’t take care of myself I mean my husband was in jail for 3 months and I was on my own for the first time ever with 2 kid’s no less, but I did it and it turns out it’s not as bad as I thought.

Am I having trouble doing things for myself because I’m so introverted? Who knows, but one thing I do know is that I hate driving and new things, and it’s so bad that I will procrastinate anything until it can’t be ignored anymore and it has become a real problem in my life.

I have multiple health issues going on right now but I’m having problems adjusting to my new doctor and I’ve only been once. I’ve been breaking out in hives for some unknown reason and I have a lump on my stomach. All of this needs to be dealt with along with the fact I have to get blood work done too that I seem to have trouble with also.

So in light of the new year my resolution is to stop being scared of new things and get this stuff done so I don’t die prematurely leaving my kids behind wondering where everything went so wrong.

I am so hoping that any introverts that read this can help me with my problems of getting out and not being scared, especially about driving in the crowded cities.

Thanks and


Mary Owens

What If I killed Myself?

What If I killed Myself?

Me and my daughter July 31, 2017

That’s what my daughter has asked me at various times, especially her last year in brick and mortar school. She had been bullied quite a bit but I am lucky to have children who tell us these things because, actually I don’t know how we got so lucky because I know there are parents out there asking themselves what did I do wrong? Why couldn’t my child come to me?

It makes me sad that those parents think they did something wrong. The saddest part is we’ll never know what drove those kids to suicide. I’m just so grateful that my children felt they could come to us with these things.

But she didn’t tell me she wanted to die, no, she told the doctor and I am so grateful she felt comfortable enough to tell the doctor this.

But anyway back to the original question. What if she killed herself? I would most definitely cry because she is my best friend. After that I don’t know. I don’t even know if I could continue living without her.

I know what you’re thinking, what about your son and husband? They’ve never needed me nor me them but my daughter and me, that’s a totally different story. We will always need one another. It would probably be like Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds, my daughter die one day, me the next and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I just thought about this because I recently started watching the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why and Hannah’s family had no idea what was going on with her and had no idea she had no friends because of one stupid picture. That show made me see why it’s so hard for teenagers but then I already knew because I was once a teenager too.

So please if you are in crisis please tell someone or visit 13reasonswhy.info for local resources to help you through this difficult time.

Also remember you are never alone, someone loves you and would be devastated if you were no longer here.

Thanks
Mary Owens

Did You Get Married Because You Were Pregnant?

Did You Get Married Because You Were Pregnant?

That’s what my cousin asked me later after I had my son. Of course I was offended by this because why would someone assume something like that?

I mean we didn’t treat each other well but we didn’t get married because I was pregnant, we got married because that’s what we wanted to do.

Besides we got married October 14, 1995 and our son’s due date was August 8, 1996 so we were married for 10 months, BUT he was born July 3, 1996 BUT he was 6 weeks premature so I didn’t get pregnant until we had been married for a month.

I started thinking about that because I was thinking about how long we had been married and I remembered her asking me that.

I know it’s weird that I thought about that question she asked me after I had been thinking about how long we had been married, but our minds work in mysterious ways.

That question still offends me to this day and I don’t think I’ll ever forgive her for asking me such a stupid question especially considering she was at the hospital when he was born so she had to know he was premature.

Has anyone ever asked you something that offended you and still offends now? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks
Mary Owens

Stress Causing Break Outs?

Stress Causing Break Outs?

Apparently my allergic reaction was caused by anxiety. My DFCS caseworker called 3 times in one day but I didn’t know we had a phone interview and the last time that happened we were late getting our food stamps and apparently the anxiety of that got to me.

I think that’s what it was because my husband checked our food stamp balance at a little after midnight and they were there and I’m feeling fine now so thank goodness for that.

I seriously wish my body would stop this nonsense. I don’t like the breakouts, itching and feeling sick but I guess until I learn to deal with stress it’s going to happen.

My daughter tried to get into bed with me earlier in the day but I must have been feeling bad because I didn’t want her in there. But it didn’t matter because she said it was too hot anyway. I’m thinking I was running a fever. Stress is crazy and the way it reeks havoc on your body is too.

But I still have the phone interview to do. I’m hoping she will let my husband do it though.

But I don’t know it could just be what I originally thought and I got into something I’m allergic to and I’m just now getting over it. But since I didn’t go to the doctor i’ll never know so that’s that.

I certainly wish I didn’t have allergic reactions but like I said in an earlier post, this isn’t the first and I’m guessing it won’t be the last.

Well thanks for reading and if you found value please comment, like and share.

Mary Owens

What If My Husband Dies?

What If My Husband Dies?

This is something I’ve been thinking about since yesterday. The reason is because I’ve been seeing these posts on Facebook about repost this if you know someone who has fought cancer and died or survived. Here’s the one I posted.

May be my last post for awhile……love you all!
Certainly, in the most difficult moments of life you realize who are true friends or the people who really appreciate you 😊 Unfortunately, some friends will click on “like” but in reality they do not take time to read your status if they see it’s lengthy.
Now I’m watching the ones who will have time to read this post until the end. This is a little test just to see who reads, and who shares without reading.
If you have read everything so far, select “like” so I can put a thank you in your profile. Cancer is very invasive and destructive to our body, even after the end of the treatment, your body is still fighting with yourself trying to reconstruct all the damage caused by radiation. It’s a very long process.
Please, in honor of a family member or a friend who died, or is still fighting cancer, or even had cancer but it’s healed; copy and paste (not share) in your page.
So I will know who read my status 😍, please write “done” in the comments. Thank you for this opportunity to share this with you for those people and Loved one’s that fought toe to toe, time for cancer to go be gone..
Love you all.
Positive vibes and energy to you all!!

That’s only one variation though. I saw another one that started out like this:

This won’t be my last post but it will be the last one for a while of significance.

I don’t want to post anymore because my mind is in a dark and depressing place because of this.

I’ve been thinking about this more now than before because my dad died from bone cancer when my mom was 51, I’m 46, scary right? The only difference is that my dad was 60 when he died. My husband as of today is 49, still though he died when my mom was 51.

I keep thinking, Am I ready for life on my own? The answer is if my husband was to die today I would have to be. I would have to learn how to handle myself in stressful situations, situations I use to avoid and let my husband take care of because he was just better at it than me.

I have a tendency to panic when I’m in unfamiliar situations like driving in new places. The problem is panicking in a car can get people killed. That is something I want to avoid but I don’t know how. I’m also unsure of how to get help to learn how to cope in life when my partner is no longer around.

If anyone reading this knows how to help me please comment below, it will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks
Mary Owens

I Was Mistaken For A Kidnapper

I Was Mistaken For A Kidnapper

I’m not exactly sure about this but from the way the man hesitated before getting into the drivers seat I’m sure I was right.

It happened while my husband was in jail and I had forgotten all about it until I was doing some surfing on my computer and listening to a scary story on YouTube about this woman who almost got kidnapped and it clicked at that moment when she stepped forward to shake the man’s hand but she was on the passenger’s side of the car and she would have had to lean into the vehicle to shake his hand.

In my situation we had been at Wal-Mart doing our grocery shopping, it was extremely hot because it was the middle of July. We came out of the store with a crap load of perishable items. I get everything loaded into the truck, get my kids in and try to crank it up except the key won’t turn and the ignition is locked. What the heck!

Luckily I see a man about 20 feet in front of me and I yell “sir I need some help!” He comes over no hesitation and I tell him what’s going on and I ask him please get in and see if it will work for you. He just looks at me and I’m giving him this look and I say please and then after looking at me and my kids and apparently seeing the desperation on my face he gets in and tries to crank it and of course it won’t crank for him either.

He gets out and raises the hood of it and begins explaining to me what was going on and all but all I can remember is him saying that the engine just needed to cool off. After a few minutes it was fine.

I have to say that was the weirdest day ever. That was also my first time ever having someone act like they were scared of me. It’s usually women who have to be careful but now I know that men have to be careful too.

Has anything like that ever happened to you? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks!
Mary Owens