My Dreary Day

Well today has been dreary because it rained all day. But me and the kids had a good day, very uneventful thank goodness.

They also haven’t asked about their dad all day which I absolutely love because it gets annoying especially when my son wants me to call him and make sure he’s okay.

I just tell him he’s fine and we don’t need to call him.

We have several doctor’s appointments next week most of which are mine that I’m hoping I won’t chicken out of. I seriously need to get to my appointments because of this lump on my stomach, I need refills on my medicine and the breakouts I’m having which I can’t explain. It’s just horrible.

I also have to start going to the kid’s appointments because their dad can’t seem to remember what the doctor says which is not good for me because I never get alone time to recharge my batteries which anyone who has read my blog before knows I need because I’m very introverted.

I never have the energy for anything anymore because I’m always with at least one person every single day and it’s getting old real quick.

But try to tell their extrovert dad that. He has no idea what I’m talking about and doesn’t care because he always has an excuse as to why he can’t take the kids with him.

I am so over this married life. All I want is to be left alone for about 20 years or better yet the rest of my life.

So please send me some good vibes for tonight and next week.

Thanks.

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What If I killed Myself?

What If I killed Myself?

Me and my daughter July 31, 2017

That’s what my daughter has asked me at various times, especially her last year in brick and mortar school. She had been bullied quite a bit but I am lucky to have children who tell us these things because, actually I don’t know how we got so lucky because I know there are parents out there asking themselves what did I do wrong? Why couldn’t my child come to me?

It makes me sad that those parents think they did something wrong. The saddest part is we’ll never know what drove those kids to suicide. I’m just so grateful that my children felt they could come to us with these things.

But she didn’t tell me she wanted to die, no, she told the doctor and I am so grateful she felt comfortable enough to tell the doctor this.

But anyway back to the original question. What if she killed herself? I would most definitely cry because she is my best friend. After that I don’t know. I don’t even know if I could continue living without her.

I know what you’re thinking, what about your son and husband? They’ve never needed me nor me them but my daughter and me, that’s a totally different story. We will always need one another. It would probably be like Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds, my daughter die one day, me the next and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I just thought about this because I recently started watching the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why and Hannah’s family had no idea what was going on with her and had no idea she had no friends because of one stupid picture. That show made me see why it’s so hard for teenagers but then I already knew because I was once a teenager too.

So please if you are in crisis please tell someone or visit 13reasonswhy.info for local resources to help you through this difficult time.

Also remember you are never alone, someone loves you and would be devastated if you were no longer here.

Thanks
Mary Owens