As we close out this year and start a new one I felt the urge to write a post about this past year. It hasn’t been kind to me and it’s my own fault.
I keep falling back into old habits of trusting the same people and even though they have proven time and time again that they can’t be trusted I keep doing it.
You might be wondering why because I am too. It’s not like I can’t take care of myself I mean my husband was in jail for 3 months and I was on my own for the first time ever with 2 kid’s no less, but I did it and it turns out it’s not as bad as I thought.
Am I having trouble doing things for myself because I’m so introverted? Who knows, but one thing I do know is that I hate driving and new things, and it’s so bad that I will procrastinate anything until it can’t be ignored anymore and it has become a real problem in my life.
I have multiple health issues going on right now but I’m having problems adjusting to my new doctor and I’ve only been once. I’ve been breaking out in hives for some unknown reason and I have a lump on my stomach. All of this needs to be dealt with along with the fact I have to get blood work done too that I seem to have trouble with also.
So in light of the new year my resolution is to stop being scared of new things and get this stuff done so I don’t die prematurely leaving my kids behind wondering where everything went so wrong.
I am so hoping that any introverts that read this can help me with my problems of getting out and not being scared, especially about driving in the crowded cities.
Apparently my allergic reaction was caused by anxiety. My DFCS caseworker called 3 times in one day but I didn’t know we had a phone interview and the last time that happened we were late getting our food stamps and apparently the anxiety of that got to me.
I think that’s what it was because my husband checked our food stamp balance at a little after midnight and they were there and I’m feeling fine now so thank goodness for that.
I seriously wish my body would stop this nonsense. I don’t like the breakouts, itching and feeling sick but I guess until I learn to deal with stress it’s going to happen.
My daughter tried to get into bed with me earlier in the day but I must have been feeling bad because I didn’t want her in there. But it didn’t matter because she said it was too hot anyway. I’m thinking I was running a fever. Stress is crazy and the way it reeks havoc on your body is too.
But I still have the phone interview to do. I’m hoping she will let my husband do it though.
But I don’t know it could just be what I originally thought and I got into something I’m allergic to and I’m just now getting over it. But since I didn’t go to the doctor i’ll never know so that’s that.
I certainly wish I didn’t have allergic reactions but like I said in an earlier post, this isn’t the first and I’m guessing it won’t be the last.
Well thanks for reading and if you found value please comment, like and share.
This is something I’ve been thinking about since yesterday. The reason is because I’ve been seeing these posts on Facebook about repost this if you know someone who has fought cancer and died or survived. Here’s the one I posted.
May be my last post for awhile……love you all!
Certainly, in the most difficult moments of life you realize who are true friends or the people who really appreciate you 😊 Unfortunately, some friends will click on “like” but in reality they do not take time to read your status if they see it’s lengthy.
Now I’m watching the ones who will have time to read this post until the end. This is a little test just to see who reads, and who shares without reading.
If you have read everything so far, select “like” so I can put a thank you in your profile. Cancer is very invasive and destructive to our body, even after the end of the treatment, your body is still fighting with yourself trying to reconstruct all the damage caused by radiation. It’s a very long process.
Please, in honor of a family member or a friend who died, or is still fighting cancer, or even had cancer but it’s healed; copy and paste (not share) in your page.
So I will know who read my status 😍, please write “done” in the comments. Thank you for this opportunity to share this with you for those people and Loved one’s that fought toe to toe, time for cancer to go be gone..
Love you all.
Positive vibes and energy to you all!!
That’s only one variation though. I saw another one that started out like this:
This won’t be my last post but it will be the last one for a while of significance.
I don’t want to post anymore because my mind is in a dark and depressing place because of this.
I’ve been thinking about this more now than before because my dad died from bone cancer when my mom was 51, I’m 46, scary right? The only difference is that my dad was 60 when he died. My husband as of today is 49, still though he died when my mom was 51.
I keep thinking, Am I ready for life on my own? The answer is if my husband was to die today I would have to be. I would have to learn how to handle myself in stressful situations, situations I use to avoid and let my husband take care of because he was just better at it than me.
I have a tendency to panic when I’m in unfamiliar situations like driving in new places. The problem is panicking in a car can get people killed. That is something I want to avoid but I don’t know how. I’m also unsure of how to get help to learn how to cope in life when my partner is no longer around.
If anyone reading this knows how to help me please comment below, it will be greatly appreciated.
I just realized I never updated y’all on my husband so here it is.
I went and picked him up from the jailhouse on July 31st. He got 10 years probation off in 5 with good behavior or something like that anyway. I’m not familiar with how these things work so I’m just guessing. He also got community service.
He got out by pleading guilty even though he says he didn’t do it and he also said he has to testify against my cousin. Yes I know if any of my family members read this it’s going to cause problems but it’s not like I get invited to anything so it doesn’t matter. Me and my little family celebrate holidays alone and that’s the way I like it.
I was seriously going to leave him in jail but with my son being schizophrenic I couldn’t. He was in and out of the hospital 3 times while his dad was in jail. It was not good for me nor my daughter to see him like that, especially my daughter.
Things are not going well at all now though. Money is disappearing again just like before. He stays gone with his friends and expects me to pay for everything. His mom sent us some money for Thanksgiving and he claims he used it to get the truck fixed but that hasn’t happened yet even though he claims he already paid the person for the job.
I don’t know what to do. I have no support system to help me and no place to go. I feel like I’m stuck living with a stranger. He says he loves me but he doesn’t act like it. I wish my mom was still alive. I don’t have a car or a way to pay for one either.
I’m sorry for the sob story but as always if you enjoyed reading this please like, share and comment. You advice is always welcome as long as you’re not being ugly.
Yes, I know, crazy right? Why would an introvert start a business that requires socializing?
Well believe or not we thrive online. Why? Because we get to choose when we socialize online. We are able to block people who make us mad or just won’t stop asking questions.
Believe me I have blocked a lot of people for that very reason. You can’t block people in the real world which is a bummer to us but we remedy that by just not meeting in the real world because that’s just too scary.
I have turned down so many invitations that people have just stopped inviting me to their gettogethers. (or at least that’s what I tell myself)
Although the real reason could be because I’m extremely rude. I don’t mean to be though. I also have a ad habit of not bringing anything to the party. I always used the excuse “I don’t have the money” but the real reason is that I’m not a good gift giver, I never have been AND because of being an introvert I’m too afraid to ask what I should bring. Just thinking about starting a conversation causes a panic attack.
I also have a tendency to have major breakdowns if I don’t get alone time or quiet time. I’m talking about getting angry and yelling at people when they have been talking for longer than I would like or just not going to bed when I want them to.
That brings me to what’s going on right now. I have gotten my days and nights mixed up because that’s the only time I get peace and quiet. I don’t think I will get them straightened out anytime soon either, but I hope I will, although at this point I prefer it when everyone is asleep.
Are you introverted, extroverted or ambiverted? Let me know in the comments.
Also if you enjoyed reading this please comment, like and share.
Well that’s what everyone says anyway but does anyone even follow that really? I mean I know that we definitely should because of our son and if you’ve read any of my blog posts you know that our son is schizophrenic. If not here is one of the posts about that.
So anyway yesterday me and my husband got into an argument over our usual stupidness with me yelling at him and getting all angry and in turn yelling at the kids. Now I know that I shouldn’t have taken it out on them but sometimes that happens.
As usual our son couldn’t handle it and the voices got worse to the point that he had a panic attack. His said his eyes were rolling into the back of his head, he couldn’t breathe and he wasn’t able to sit still. I called his therapist but he was so agitated that he wouldn’t talk to her.
He was just screaming for me to hang up. He never did talk to her but after a while of the house being quiet he finally went to sleep and stayed asleep. Luckily his therapist is coming by today for a session with him and his sister and all will be well.
Thanks for reading and if you enjoyed it please like, share and comment.
Okay first of all why does the universe constantly feel the need to test me all the time? I feel like I’ve had enough tests for one lifetime. I mean I know it’s trying to teach me a lesson but I feel that even though I haven’t remedied the situation I have learned. It’s just really hard when you have no one to help you. Both of my parents are dead and all of my grandparents are dead, me and my brother don’t even spend holidays together. He could be dead for all I know.
I just feel like there’s no way out for me. There is seriously no one to help me and besides that both of my kids have mental disabilities. My son is schizophrenic which makes him unpredictable in what he’s thinking or wanting to do and I don’t want to put that burden on someone else.
Okay now that that’s out of the way on to the cable line. This is really no big deal because the cable company came out and repaired it and we didn’t get charged because we have a maintenance agreement with them. The thing is that the guys that cut it claimed it was already like that. Seriously? My son was watching TV just fine beforehand. They lied. Now I know you’re wondering but how did it happen?
Well they are friends of my husband’s and they were being nice, I guess, but since they lied about cutting the cable line I have no idea what’s going on. They were here to cut down the bushes because my husband wasn’t doing it and that’s how the cable line got cut. I have no idea why they lied about cutting the cable line though. But at least now I know not to let them anywhere near my yard again, right?
I just hope the universe quits testing me soon because I feel like I’m losing my mind.
Thanks for reading and if you enjoyed it please like, share and comment.
Well my son has been hospitalized for a third time since his dad was jailed because either his meds aren’t working or he isn’t taking them like he’s supposed to. I’m hoping it’s the latter. That means I’ll have to start monitoring him more closely when giving him his meds.
My husband is still in jail and they keep moving his court date despite the fact he has a lawyer (mind you a public defender but still a lawyer). His court date is either going to be July 28th or the 31st. I guess I’ll find out when he calls to pick him up or to tell me he’s going to prison. I seriously hope he doesn’t go to prison though because his kids need him.
My daughter is doing better since she got back on her medicine. She still misses her dad but she’s not being ugly to me anymore and she’s not being depressed so that’s a good thing. I wish there was medicine to make them not miss their dad but that’s okay because now he knows how much they love him.
I’m doing okay just worried that my son and daughter are going to have lasting effects from this. I feel like they are going to want to go everywhere with their dad and that’s just not going to be possible unless I go too and I will if I have to. I tried to get him out of jail the other day but I owe too much on my house and can’t pay the 15% needed for a bondsman but there’s nothing I can do about that so I’m just dealing the best I can.
Please Continue Praying
Please continue praying for my family because we need all the prayers we can get. Also if you would like to help me out financially contact me and I can help you with BeachBody products because I’m a beachbody Coach now or if you need tools for your business just click the banner to the right and get started with AIOP (All In One Profits). Or if you don’t want to do any of that you can just donate through my paypal which I’ll give you if you contact me.
Well just last month on May 10th my husband ended up getting arrested leaving me alone with no way to go. Luckily he has good friends that helped me adjust to being alone with two developmentally delayed children along with my family. Thank goodness he’s better at making friends than I am.
About a week later I got our truck back thank goodness. It was left at someone’s house and wasn’t impounded. Although the reunion with our truck wasn’t all rosy because it had been burglarized. If it wasn’t attached to the truck it was stolen along with my government phone that I was getting free service on. Such a bummer.
On top of that my kids were having a hard time adjusting to his absence with my oldest having to be hospitalized because he was thinking about killing himself, me and his sister. That was scary finding out that was going on in his head. He isn’t doing much better either, He’s schizophrenic, bi-polar and has Tourette’s syndrome. We still haven’t got his meds straightened out either. Please keep him in your prayers or whatever it is you do to help make good things happen.
My daughter cried for about a week but seems fine now but still misses her daddy.
As for me I was scared out of my mind for about two weeks and was wanting him home immediately despite the fact that I have been wanting a divorce for quite sometime now. I am doing much better now and we are doing better financially without him. So I will be going forward with the divorce soon.
Well thank you for reading my post and please keep us in your thoughts as we navigate this new adventure.