What If I killed Myself?
That’s what my daughter has asked me at various times, especially her last year in brick and mortar school. She had been bullied quite a bit but I am lucky to have children who tell us these things because, actually I don’t know how we got so lucky because I know there are parents out there asking themselves what did I do wrong? Why couldn’t my child come to me?
It makes me sad that those parents think they did something wrong. The saddest part is we’ll never know what drove those kids to suicide. I’m just so grateful that my children felt they could come to us with these things.
But she didn’t tell me she wanted to die, no, she told the doctor and I am so grateful she felt comfortable enough to tell the doctor this.
But anyway back to the original question. What if she killed herself? I would most definitely cry because she is my best friend. After that I don’t know. I don’t even know if I could continue living without her.
I know what you’re thinking, what about your son and husband? They’ve never needed me nor me them but my daughter and me, that’s a totally different story. We will always need one another. It would probably be like Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds, my daughter die one day, me the next and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I just thought about this because I recently started watching the Netflix series 13 Reasons Why and Hannah’s family had no idea what was going on with her and had no idea she had no friends because of one stupid picture. That show made me see why it’s so hard for teenagers but then I already knew because I was once a teenager too.
So please if you are in crisis please tell someone or visit 13reasonswhy.info for local resources to help you through this difficult time.
Also remember you are never alone, someone loves you and would be devastated if you were no longer here.